Shabby chic

This are the remaining pieces of the World Cup 2010. I can't   complain. It's chic. Almost shabby chic.

Christmas time

It's a new link. What else did you think? Chaaah pandem!!!

Untouchable

The title of the song speaks for itself. My wife is untouchable!

N

No Hustler

New song, about NOT hustling!

Enjoy. If you can.

Tonight - Party right!

This is a song for all you party fellahs who like to shake the bum-bum and drink some rum-rum. Simply have some fun-fun!

But remember: there's something I like to call Copy and write, and I don't like that, alright? So do not copy and do not write what I have made. This is a song you can listen to. And bum-bum-shake to. Nothing else. You know?

Press play. You don't have to pay. But you can. Greedy man!

How i got it? I bought it!

This is a song that I made. Not today, but the other day.That does NOT automatically mean yesterday! You feel me?


Enjoy. Send money to this account: 666066066066666

Thank you.

Click on the text below if you want to listen to my music show. Fo' sho'(as we say it in my tribe)

"How I got it? I bought it!"

Brush your teeth

Listen to the tune under the moon.

The tune is called "brush your teeth"

Make your kid learn it fluently without any shadow of a doubt! Shout out!

http://iamtpain.smule.com/trackid/1680828

Saturday happy-recovery-ruff-n-smooth

Feelin' sad and black? Is your Saturday whack? Want your mambo jambo spirit back?
Listen to this track! I promise you, it is not yack.




Move your belly belly, like it was a jelly jelly.
Move your bum-bum, just like you did with your tum-tum.
And hum-hum to the tune (if you know it. If you don't then don't - it doesn't sound good, and you look like a fool that is in lack of school...education!)


Chaaaaa, pandem!

It's been a long time...

It's been a while.
You may have been thinking that I had been eaten by a crocodile. Well, who told you that? My auntie Shanti? Don't listen to her, she's mentally ill, and that's no thrill. Baby chill, you will?

The important thing is that I'm here now...well, at least for a while (you never know when you'll be eaten by a crocodile). In fact...I've been moving my tum-tum and my bum-bum around lately. To where, you may aks. Well, let me tell you, Mr. nosy man, even though it's none of your business!


I've been moving from the biggest country in tha world to the fifth biggest country in the world, just to smooch down a bit and check if it was more muddy on the other side of the lake. And let me tell you, man...IT IS! Muddier...on the other side...of the lake.

I'm in the country where the women's bra's are ill...guessed the country yet? No? Okay...let me give you another hintie-haunty: I'm in the country where they don't have elephants....or kangaroos for that matter. Got it now? Yes, I'm in BRASIL - the fifth biggest country in the world, where they don't have a clue about what to do, so the lead a woman instead of a womanizer lead the country men, and discussing with the Chinese people about Yen. Come on, man!

Here in Brasilia, you don't have a special criteria. You just sit still, and take a chill pill if you will...and maybe climb a hill...it's not that much of a thrill...

I miss my country Africa - the biggest country in tha world...

Happy for the old year, anxious for the new

I hope you will all have an "okay" New Year. If not okay, then listen to what my mother use(d) to say(said):

"STOP Whining, and start dining and keep on rewinding!"

Here´s a song that you can play all day long. It´s played by my third cousin (she´s a bit strange and has crooked teeth. I don´t like crooked teeth...)

Sleepless in Africa

You may think that I am falling asleep here in Africa, but I'm not. Especially not tonight.
The reason for this is that I cannot stop thinking and wondering about a certain happening that occured earlier on this day, today (some might claim it happened yesterday since it's night time, but for me it still feels like it happened today, since I am lying awake, and cannot stop thinking about it, you know!).

A very important man that we call "the cairman" here in Africa lost his job today. He made a fool out of his profession, being a chairman and all. "What happened?" you might axe yourself. "What's his profession?" you may also axe yourself. To the last question I have to be straight up forward with you and say: wakey wakey! I just told you what profession he has - he is THE CHAIRMAN - a very important man who sits in his chair!! Come on, man! Stop axin' stupid questions like that. Chaaaa, pandem!

To your first question, I have this answer:
He was sitting in his chair, being the chairman and all, giving a very important interview to a very good looking and attractive rose bush of an African woman on the ANTAEOD-channel (short for Africa News Today And Every Other Day channel) - the most important news channel in the whole of Africa. Everything was going fine the first 20 seconds. But all of a recent-sudden-death-experience the chairman fell off his chair! And we all know what that means: when a chairman falls off his chair, there is no way he can get back on his chair again. The country has to find a new chair, and a new man to sit on the new chair (that's why they call it a chairman, silly silly bang bang!).

This is not something very extraordinary, since it happens once every 50 years, but it is the first time that it has happened during an interview. Most of the times a chairman has fallen off his chair and therefore lost his profession, has been because he has been so busy getting the flies away from his eyes. And you know, it is easier to lose balance when you wave your hands in front of your face and your eye region like a waving flag. So this reason for losing a profession as a chairman is more understandable than this interview at the ANTEAOD-channel.

One thing is for certain: this will not be forgotten so quickly as the other events that have occured lately.

Are you nuts???

No, I'm not.
Why you axe me that? Eh? You think you are cool or something?

I am not nuts, but I love something that has nuts in it.
I give you a hint-hint:
It look like poop, smells like soup and you can eat a whole bunch without your group (members - meaning your tribe, if you will).
Got it? No? Ookay....

Then I'll give you a hint-hint-hint:
It smells so good and can't be misunderstood.
It starts with coco, follows with nut and ends with cake.
Yes!
That's right! It's a

COCO NUT CAKE!!!!

I am not quite wake without a coco nut cake! Now I'm going to eat some coco nut cake and watch Wemba womba Ricky Jenny Freeenzy Lake (and no, she is no snake...although she's a bit fake)

Have a less awful day than you had yesterday

Jambo!

My second cousin got caught cheating the other day. I am the director (behind the camera. filming). Good, eh?

Woka Woka eh eh!

My my my...my unknown and unfamiliar friends that I do not know.

Do I have news for you! It may make you feel yellow, green and maybe blue, and you may also not know what to do. But I'll tell you. What to do.
A couple of thousand hours ago there was a great arrangement in my country Africa - the biggest country in the WORLD! It was an event that brought many people from all over the world to the biggest country in the world. They all represented their country and were ready to fight, all day and all night 'till they felt it was right, and one could seperate a coward from a knight. It was the world cup, that's right!

Suddenly it happened to me and my country, right in front of my face - everybody on this globe wanted to be a part of my every day to day life, look at my wife and even hold my kazoo-formed knife! All of the country's muddy hotels were full, the backyard and frontyard children were prevented from going to school because the classrooms had to be reserved to all the football players. It went well with the economy, or at least I think so, couse all the ATM machines were emptied for money. Which is a good thing. Right? You see, it is good, eh?

It was all a blast for a couple of days, we even had rainy days. The Gods were with us, the flood came and drowned many flies and that way prevented that we didn't get them in our eyes all the time, you know? But then it all changed! An ostrich-looking lady Di witch won the lottery and therefore got to use all her money on whatever she wanted, and she chose to go to a studio in the desert, far away from an apple tree to make a song. And since she had some cash money bling bling left after the studio recordings, she decided to make a musical video to show all, everyone, everybody, you as well, and your moma too so she wouldn't feel left out and blue (but not your second cousin, couse he's weird and wouldn't understand anyway). This was now the richest woman in my tribe at that time, and that's why she decided - with a little help from her good and "special" friend, the President (which by the way has a big, big resident) - that this should be the official song during the games (and remember, we're not talking about chess here, okay?!).

This has made me furious. Why? Why?! Oh, so NOW all of a sudden you're curious! Well, that makes me happy and a little less furious. This witch-look-a-like-lady who calls herself Cheikh Irrrr Aaahh decided to call this "official song" for Waka Waka (eeh eeeh). That is okay. The song is groovy, easy rhythm and blues, and she has a good pronunciation. However, everhow, the lyrics doesn't come with a good enough explanation!

You don't get me, eh? Well, let me give it to you with a tea spoon, you tea party supporting member (sorry, I can't remember your name, have me excused, if not I'll have YOU excused, you mambo jambo man (or woman): The weird looking oh-look-at-me-I-think-I'm-someone-yet-I'm-nothing-without-my-money-and-my-tribe-lady sings as follows:

Tsamina mina eh eh Waka Waka eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa This time for Africa

Do you see what I see? Do you feel what I feel? Can you understand the reason for my reaction? Yes? Good! No?! Really, eh? Well, my mambo-jambo-bwana man, I am not surprised! She finishes the last sentence by saying "This time for Africa".

What she SHOULD be saying is "This time for Africa, if not there will not be any other opportunity for us to say to the rest of the world that we are still in desperate need of flu-eh-smeckas so we can keep on killing all of the flies that are still in our eyes all the time, but don't get it twisted, this does not that mean that we are poor, only that we have flies in our eyes, in fact we are richer than you, so there, haha!"

And even worse: at the end of the song she raps as follows: "We're all Africa, We're all Africa", trying to be the big and fancy diplomat including all of these countries that are strugglin' and fighting hard like wounded soldiers in a guerilla war just to make them feel better. What I have to say to this is "No, madame! I object, this is not geographically right!" Not everybody is Africa. She should be singing what is right, not what is wrong. And this song is wrong! I have two alternatives for this lady-lady:

alternative Y: "We're NOT all Africa"

alternative Z: "We're all Africa...except Argentina, Andorra, Bulgaria, Belgium, Denmark, India, Argentina, Sweden, Switzerland and all of the other countries in Europe, Oceania, South America, North America, Asia and Central America!"

What's right is right, and what's wrong is wrong - and this is definately not right - this is wrong! Besides: I think this missy-missy would have been more famous with my alternative alternatives!

Cheikh Irrrrr Aaaahh: I have only one thing to say to you: Your song is wacka wacka, eh eh!!!

Sad, bad, dad

Jambo, jambo not-so-bwana...habaregaregare-not-so-good-zana.

Today, I don't feel so good. I feel bad. Actually, I'm quite sad. This is one of the worst days I've ever (and I really thought I would never ever ever ever have) had. I feel like I have to apologize for the sadness that is appearing in my eyes, and I wish that I was full of lies. But I'm not, unfortunately, and not so fortunately. I'm sure you must wonder what is happening with me, but I can assure your that it is not some zebra allergy.

The truth be, my wifey left me. It did not happen today, actually it happened the other day. But I thought she would come back from the store, so I could make love with her once more. But she never came back... first I thought she had been eating by a lion (you know, iron like a lion in zion), 'couse she had forgotten her iron, and then it's easy getting eatin' by a lion when you walk in the muddy streets of Zion (which is our neighbourhood, which I'm sure you understood). But when I never found a lion with stomache problems (which would be quite understandable, 'couse my wifey is quite big, you know? BIG!!!), I concluded that it couldn't be the explanation of my wife's silence.

So I took a walk in the safari and bathed with the zebras to get rid of all the sticky mud that I had on my back after grinding on a dirty elephant. And while I did that I saw something floating in the water...it was a NEWSA PAPAH! You know, the tingz you read from by following your finger from one line to anotha without any help from your silly motha or angry father? That's right, a Newsa papah! Any how, any where, any who, how 'bout you, how do you do and what to do when you don't have a clue, in this newsa papah it was written something that I thought was quite silly, really. It was written "Bachelorette party - let's party hardy hardy and forget our hearty hearty!" (direct quote from the daily newsa papah "letters from Zion, watch out for the lion"). And on the front page of the papah it was a picture of my wife. She wasn't holding a knife like she usually does when she is in the kitchen while she makes me my favorite dish called "nGele jelele", but I could still see it was her. She is quite chunky (eh...BIG, actually), so a husband like me would never ever be mistaken by those zebra noodle salad fingers of hers.

So I thought to myself; does my wifey who usually holds a knifey want to be a bachelorette and get rid of ME, her husband from above who always gives her much appreciated love (or unappreciated as it looks like after reading the newsa papah) ????!!! Has she made a fool out of me? Is that the reason she said she wanted to go out and buy me tea, when she was actually taking secret cooking lessons to become a bachelorette?

And what now, you aks? Well, my quite unknown friend, if you aks me, I'll through the muddy ball right back at you, aiming at your belly to make your shirt dirty (sorry, but I am sad, you know...and when I'm sad, I do stupid foolish tingz like that, being almost as silly as a cat trying to kill a rat) and aks you: WHAT THE JAMBO-EH-EH-SHAKY-FREAKING-KILLING-A-HYENAH-WHILE-DANCING-ON-A-ROCK-AND-STOMPING-MY-LEGS-IN-A-RARE-ANIMAL-AM-I-GOING-TO-DO-WITH-MY-LIFE?!! Who will now be my African wife for life?

As I said, I am sad. And I feel like a bad dad. I got the best son I have ever had. He is actually quite rad, if I can say so myself. But now he doesn't have a mommy (the mommy was not my wifey, but don't tell my son, couse he will be so surprised, you know. And that's not good).

I hope I can go on with my life and get a new wife. This time, maybe for life...

So loud, yet so proud

Jambo, my fellow friends and nemisis.

I know it has been a while since I've updated you about my country, but I have a good reason for my quietness, silentness, hush-hush-ness and stillness for the last season. This may come as a shock to you, but that's only because you haven't had a single clue. You see, I have been raising my child. Yes, man. You read right, I didn't spell wrong. I have a son. A real son. A son-son! You know, the thing that comes out of a woman's belly after eating too much jelly nine months straight, after worrying about "being late". It is not that I have kept it as a secret, I just haven't had any reason to tell you about my son, you know. Nothing to brag about. Until now.

You see, before I didn't keep my head up high like an ostrich. In fact, I have kept my head low like a turtle, like the trunk of an elephant, like the sunset without the sunrise. Down...down under ground. It is not cool being a father if you don't find any good qualities in your son that you can brag about to your friends. So I had to take the matters into my own hands and GIVE HIM good qualities so I could brag.

And so I have this last couple of months. I'm sure you have realised that I am quite-a-lot-of-very-fond of my own country Africa - the biggest country in the world, so that's the reason I have taught him how to play our next most famous musical instrument (hitting on a turtles shell with a really thick and long stick being the most famous one); the djembe-wimba-wembe-a-wimba-we-drums! My son, being very young, had difficulties finding the rythm even though I told him to look for it in his spine, so I had to tempt him with some sugar cane candy. Looks like it helped, because now he has found his spinal rythm and plays like a uncle-trucker! I was so proud so I contacted the local market who new a guy, who new a girl who had a sister who had a friend who didn't have a brother, but had a boyfriend who's grandmother had a lover that was 50 years younger than her who was the step son of a local news reporter. And this man came to my house and filmed my son.

So now you can see a video of my son playing the djembe-wimba-wembe-a-wimba-we-drum!
And I can assure you that my head is high as the Kilimanjaro mountain, and I am as proud as our biggest lake is deep!
Enjoy my son, and enjoy his spinal rythm!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZhAxbAx72U&feature=related

The inequality of a woman and a man

He gets to think and she gets to drink.
This is an example of the inequalities of life and
the problems having a wife while you try to enjoy life...

Life is hard (without a Visa Card)...

I caught a flu, just for you

Examination calls for a celebration

Up till now, this day, I haven't had the time to play. Why? Well, what can I say...I have been too busy preparing for my examinations which is not easy. You should know, you know?
While I am typing this letters down on this piece of electronic paper, hoping to reach out to all of you, doesn't matter whether you feel happy or blue, I have had three out of four examinations. And you know the thing they say - all good things are three, or as they say it in this foreign language I enjoy so much - Alle goood ting aar tre - well, that is simply not true. And I really don't know what to do!

You see, the first day of my examination called for a celebration. With that I don't mean that it went so bad that it became funny and should be considered as a new memorial day or whatever you would like to call it. What I mean to say is that it went absolutely- are you out of your mind- don't - call-me-stupid-couse-I'm-not-but-you-are-ha-ha-ha-ha- well (that was a difficult word to spell)! And since it went so well, I went out in the bushes ( the closest thing we come to forest in Africa - the biggest country in the world) with some examination friends, sucked out the juices of a mellow fruit that had almost turned to alcohol and...well...need I say more? Are you sure?! Well okay: we got waisted on all of the delicious fruity juice and sang the blue suede shoes! And that had been just completely and utterly mind-your-own-business-couse-I'm-minding-mine-and-you-should-do-the-same damn fine if it had not been for my next examination and reconciliation the following day. Luckily, I got woken up by an elephant that took his morning shower with his trunk and with the little water that was left in Africa's biggest lake which is not big at all. Which leads me to another very frustrating and important issue that certainly needs a slap with a dirty tissue: Damn you elephants for using up all this precious water to clean out the dirt on your shoulders! I mean, haven't you heard of dusting your shoulders off?! That's what we human beings do, but I'm guessing you don't have a clue on what to do - or do you?! Chaaa, pandem!

Anyway, anywhere, everywhere, as long as it's fair and square: I reached my second examination which also called for a celebration, but on my third examination, I neither felt the need for a special bush-fruit-party-celebration or any type of reconciliation. What I'm trying to say is that it didn't go so well, which I am sure you could smell pretty well.

I am not depressed (although good guessed), but I am very uncertain about what Mama Africa is trying to teach me by punishing me this way. I mean, am I punished because I went out to play? Because I drank the juice from a forbidden fruit (shoote!)?! Come on, Mama Africa - even you are not that stupid.

So now I am just holdin' on, bein' strong, holdin' on. What I can say, is that I'm in love with a black fairytale, even though it hurts (because she hits me with cactuses!). And I actually care if I loose my mind, hoping not to be cursed!

Hoping for the best, waiting for the rest. That's all!